. . . and then I found $5.

I remember, when I was a kid, I was talking to a couple other kids and I mentioned that I did a good vampire impersonation. They expressed their disbelief of my claim, so I did it for them. I don’t remember the exact line I used, but something to the effect of, “I want to suck your blood.” Focus was on the tone and enunciation, I saw no need to get overly creative with the words chosen. After my short performance, both of these boys leaped at the chance to belittle me, as only boys under the age of 10 can do. They informed me that my impersonation was not the quality one should have in their vampire voice, if one is going to mention having one. I thought it was pretty good. So one of the two boys said to me that the other boy did a good vampire. Without hesitation, this other boy starts, “Hello, would you mind if I sucked your blood?” in a slightly-deeper-than-his-actual-voice tone. There was barely a trace of an attempt at a Transylvanian accent. Both boys smiled in the satisfaction that they had just shown me what a vampire is supposed to sound like. Since it was two against one, the votes were in and I had lost this impromptu competition, but it was so obvious that the guy had never even done a vampire impression before. He’d never even thought to try before the moment that his friend put him on the spot! At least he gets props for split-section reaction time.

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