Unfinished Drafts summary

I have ten unfinished drafts saved to my blog account that I haven’t touched in at least three weeks, most of them 7 or 8 months or more.  I’m never going to finish all of them, so I’ve decided to summarize the primary thoughts from the ones that are dead-ends in a few quick one-shots and delete them forever.  Finally.

1. Lots of people hold opinions and views on things because they saw someone on TV say it.  I’m guilty of it, too, but at least I can recognize it.  What inspired this observation is from when I watched I Love the 90’s on VH1 years ago, and they brought up the great Mississippi River Flood of ‘93, and they made fun of people for living close to a river.  Man, that made me mad.
2. The mortgage industry is designed to greatly reward moronic narcissists for minimal effort, which encourages their overall lack of education, cognitive abilities, and interpersonal skills.  It is designed this way for the same reason Rent-A-Center exists, just on a much larger scale – intelligent, well-to-do white men with a serious lack of morality have figured out ways to take lots of money from stupid people.
3. I really want to start writing that fantasy story again.
4. There are a lot of things from my childhood that have not aged well.  Among those that have: Quantum Leap, 8-bit Nintendo, and Lik-m-Aid.
5. Now that I’m no longer employed in the mortgage industry, I want to share some important tips with everyone: 1) NEVER let a loan officer make a YSP off of you (and if you’re not sure if there is one on your loan, ask him, ask escrow, ask the lender, and if you find it, demand it be removed or threaten to walk); 2) ALWAYS assume your loan officer’s first goal is to make money; 3) ACTUALLY, don’t even deal with a broker at all, just go to a bank or a credit union.  Brokers squandered their chance and they deserve to be broke.
6. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why so many people are so hostile towards the American Super Mario Bros. 2.  It may not have been the REAL Mario 2, but have you even PLAYED The Lost Levels?  It’s not that fun, it’s so hard that it borders on cruelty, and it looks EXACTLY like the the first Mario Bros.  I, for one, am glad we were given a new, colorful adventure to take Mario, et al, through, and I celebrate the few things from that game that have lasted (shy-guys, high-jumping Luigi, Birdo . . .).
7. I was going to write some more similes, but I can’t think of any and I think I’m the only one who really enjoyed the first ones.

Okay . . . there are three that I left.  What could they be?  Well, my goal is to finish the heck out of them so I don’t have to stress over finishing old, incomplete ideas anymore.

 

My stance.

I’m sitting in my desk chair at work for one of the last times.  I’m anywhere from 2 1/2 days to 1 day away from being done with this place forever.  As I look around me and get furious over and over again at the broken laws and prevailing lies that make up the two companies in this single office, and also grasp the reality that these guys WILL fight my unemployment claim and that there are some tough financial times ahead, it’s easy to feel helpless. 

Honestly, it’s very easily my faith that is getting me through this.  All of the pressure in my chest goes away when I remember that God is real and that his love for me is something that I really can’t fathom.  I don’t want to trail off on to some mutated prosperity gospel, but remembering that he called me to the Northwest, that he brought my wife to me, that he provided the things I have like my car, my apartment, etc., and that he gave me my passions for writing and music and family and everything else (however small they may seem in the big picture), gives me the reassurance that he is behind me in this decision to jump without a net.  Whether I have a job by the end of next week, working smack-dab in the middle of downtown like I want, or whether it takes me six months to find new work (pray it doesn’t, though), Jesus will have me where he wants me.  I’ve learned too many times how not listening doesn’t get me anywhere good (it’s arguable that not listening landed me this job, as a matter of fact), so I’ve jumped off this cliff and I’ll jump off any more he tells me to.  He is my single hope in all of this, and what a wonderful thing that I get to experience this to be reminded that he is my single hope in anything and everything.

 

29 random thoughts as I turn 29

Inspired by my wife’s incredibly cute email, 29 things she likes about me, sent on this, my 29th birthday, I decided to take the idea and do my own thing with it. I might later expand some of these into their own blogs.

1. I honestly, truly despise Michael Bay’s work. It insults me to the core. Explosions and special effects are fine, but he’s so unintelligent that he can’t work out a comprehensive story to go along with them. And he makes lots of money doing it.
2. I sometimes wish my wedding ring was tungsten, but when I remember that it perfectly matches my wife’s, I get over it.
3. Candy loses its appeal after one can get some any time, but I still keep eating it.
4. I’m curious if anyone will ever read my blog again after my nearly-year-abscence.
5. My right side of my body is much stronger than the left.
6. I figured out why I didn’t like beer when I lived in Illinois – because everyone drinks crap like Busch and Pabst. In cans. Or worse – aluminum bottles.
7. How about a Mathew Phillips quote? “In order to succeed, you have no choice but to deal with the environment right outside your skin. Some environments are better than others. There is more encouragement to succeed in some places than others. Without the help of others in better environments (that are prospering) the odds may be so impossible that you will not even be able to turn stumbling blocks in to stepping stones to succeed. This is something that even those of us who live in healthy environments should remember.”
8. I have to get back to work to avoid getting busted over-doing my break, but the Word Press clock is off and it says it’s 11:27 p.m. Which means that by the time this is posted it will say it’s July 2, which is NOT my birthday. Maybe I can fix that. Okay, yeah, I fixed it.
9. Even if I had gotten my dream guitar as a present today, it would have paled in comparison to my wife’s email. And I honestly mean that, which means I’m really maturing. Uh-oh.
10. I’ve come to think that a good AM signal is a lot better quality than most FM signals. But I’m not a big radio-listener, so I could be wrong.
11. Tonight I will watch The Prestige for like the 4th time. I like Jackman. I really like Bale. But I loooove me some Bowie. Too bad he didn’t do a soundtrack tie-in.
12. Speaking of old rockers, Rod Stewart’s old stuff is really good. He was very heavily influenced by country music, which I find interesting.
13. I still can’t quite figure out why Michael Jackson’s death shocked me so much. It’s almost as if I had never stopped to think that he WOULD die someday. On that note, how weird will it be when, say, Conan O’Brien dies? Let’s hope that’s long off.
14. I need to watch The Tonight Show more often. Support my Conan.
15. I just found out The Rock was directed by Michael Bay. I’ve never actually seen that movie, and now I never will.
16. I think I’d like to write a novelization of the story from Final Fantasy VI. I think it would be a great challenge and lots of fun. It’s such an incredible story.
17. I’m having spaghetti for my birthday dinner. I requested it.
18. It was very odd being in my in-laws’ home last week and remembering the different stages of my life (and states of mind) which that home has seen.
19. Fun Story: An old boss of mine had once ordered lots of pretty nice wine for a manager’s retreat that ended up getting canceled. All the wine was delivered to our office so she had me and a co-worker take it down to her van. As the two of us carried the last of like 12 boxes of those bottles, she grabbed two from one remaining box and put one on each of our desks as a “thank  you.” Not being one who ever really purchased wine on my own, I decided to save the bottle for a then-unknown special occasion with a then-unknown special someone. I thought it might be the night I would propose to whoever-it-may-be, but turns out that didn’t happen over a dinner. So instead, Dona and I had it with our first dinner in our home on our honeymoon. I’ve saved the bottle.
20. I told my wife about this as I’m writing it and she wants me to write “poop.”
21. I don’t want to promote poor financial choices, or shirking of academic  responsibility, but I don’t regret for a second buying my Fender Telecaster my last semester of college instead of several of my books, even if it did effect my grades.
22. There’s a stack of un-sent thank you cards on my desk. I get the feeling that we’re not the only couple who has done this.
23. I accidentally published this blog before I completed it. Good thing they’re easy to edit.
24. Most of the world misunderstands what Christianity says and is about. More people would be willing to listen if they knew that. But the irony is that those who spend all their time trying to make sure the masses “get it,” even though they don’t believe it, are wasting their time. Those that come to Christ are called by Him, not convinced by argument and exposition.
25. Turns out I don’t like white wine with spaghetti.
26. I have a copy of Boston’s self-titled debut album on vinyl, and the case is in sorry shape. There’s not even a protective sleeve. I got it for like $0.50 at Goodwill a couple years ago. Yet despite all that, it is easily my favorite record that I own.
27. Figuring out and then playing video game music on guitar is not only a delightful and nerdy way to spend your spare time, it’s also great training for the ear and fingers.
28. If anyone wants tabs to the Top Man song from Mega Man 3, ask. I can write some up.
29. Holy crap I’ll be 30 in less than a year.

 

Ten years and counting.

More and more things keep coming to me for my 10 year high school reunion. It’s not officially planned yet; they’re still trying to get the date set, but a website has been put up where each person can go create a little profile, write about what they’ve done over the last 10 years, name their spouse/partner and children, and post some pictures.

It’s almost like everyone inflated. But talking about how your former classmates got fat in 10 years is a tad cliche. I’ve gained a few pounds, myself. I was no more than 130 lbs. when I graduated, maybe as low as 120; now I weigh about 176, and that’s after losing nearly 10 lbs.

So let’s skip the weight thing and move on to some other peculiar observations that I have about this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Some of those girls married / are dating some geezers. My goodness. That guy looks my dad’s age, <name removed for confidentiality>! And <name removed for confidentiality>! Holy Cow! Got a thing for the Class of 1974? Well, hope they’re happy.

Life changes quick. I remember working at Kohl’s in late 2000, and <name removed for confidentiality> walked in to say hi. She and I knew each other in high school, I remember having a crush on her at one point, but “school mates” is really the only relationship we could claim. Well, she had apparently just been to my parents’ house looking for me, and my mother directed her to Kohl’s. I took a break and stood outside with her and had a cigarette and talked. It was strange because, as I said before, we weren’t exactly close friends in high school, and we hadn’t seen each other since graduation. She proceeded to confess all kinds of stuff to me, such as her cocaine addiction, how she’d just ended a relationship she was having with a married man, etc. Well, now I see that she’s been married since 2002 and has two kids. Maybe I was the “confession booth” for her to begin anew?

These people are rabbits. Okay, fine, maybe that’s an insensitive statement as many of these bundles of joy who are already over the age of 6 were most likely not planned, but more than a handful have 3 kids already! We’re 27 and 28, folks! 30 is the new 20 my rear.

Springfieldians are like yo-yos. Even those who got out went back. Of the 50-some people who have created profiles (out of 250+ in the class), 30 of them live in or around Springfield, Illinois. Maybe they have stronger family ties to that town than I do; who knows?

I may have changed a lot physically, but I don’t get the top prize. Randy Newtson. You win, my friend. When I saw your photo, I wondered why you would put up a photo of your 55-year-old uncle, but then I realized it’s just you. You probably also win the prize for going from full head of hair to completely bald the fastest. I have friends my age who are balding, but you got that done quick! Good work!

People die. Aw. The sad one for next-to-last. I met Lindsay Logsdon my first day of 5th grade, and she and I never got along until late high school, at which point we just mutually ignored each other. In college I became close friends with one Clint “Skippy” Davis, who turned out to be Lindsay’s cousin. I’d see her on occasion at Davis family events such as Skip’s sister’s high school graduation, and we’d reminice about Mr. Clark, our 5th grade teacher, and so on. By 2000 she had a son and was engaged, but in December 2000, Skip informed me that she had run off a road in her car and hit a telephone pole, killing her instantly. It’s really a strange thought that she’s gone. However the sobering one was when I went to the “In Memoriam” section of this Reunion web page and saw Chad Anderson’s name. I’m still in disbelief. I had countless art classes with him from 7th grade all the way up to the end of senior year. He hung around with the rockers and the druggies, but he was still really cool and kind of popular, and was really nice to those of us who didn’t fair so well in the social arenas. He always cracked me up, too. And apparently he died from causes of which I am not aware on July 27, 2001 in western South Dakota, where he had been living. How crazy is it that he didn’t even see 9-11?

I ain’t giving these people nothing. Don’t get me wrong; I have no intention of being rude or mean. But I have not been in regular contact with anyone from this group of people since graduation. I got that diploma and I found a new circle of friends, and have had several different circles since. I’d see some of them from time to time, but never to the point that we buddied up. I will find it hard to believe that I would be in the top 10 of very many “Where are they now?” lists, since I was just that weird guy who wore ties to school every day our senior year. And I don’t really care all that much. It’s all behind me and God has put me elsewhere. So . . . my profile is as follows:
Current location: Seattle, WA
Spouse/Partner: As if.
Occupation: Desk Jockey
Comments: I invented PostIt Notes

and then the following picture:

With this caption:

“I’m the one on the left . . . no, the right. . . . no . . .”

Man, I’m funny. Thanks for the idea, Brandon.

 

Amazing.

I wonder if I’m allowed to comment on this since I’m white. I think it’s amazing and full of truth, and a good deal of it can apply to people outside of the black community (when you take the spirit of it rather than the specifics). It’s called The Pound Cake Speech, and it was given by Bill Cosby in May 2004 for a celebration of the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education. I’m copying and posting it, but this is the link I got it from: http://www.eightcitiesmap.com/transcript_bc.htm

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Ladies and gentlemen, I really have to ask you to seriously consider what you’ve heard, and now this is the end of the evening so to speak. I heard a prize fight manager say to his fellow who was losing badly, “David, listen to me. It’s not what’s he’s doing to you. It’s what you’re not doing. (laughter).

Ladies and gentlemen, these people set, they opened the doors, they gave us the right, and today, ladies and gentlemen, in our cities and public schools we have fifty percent drop out. In our own neighborhood, we have men in prison. No longer is a person embarrassed because they’re pregnant without a husband. (clapping) No longer is a boy considered an embarrassment if he tries to run away from being the father of the unmarried child (clapping)

.

Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are [not*] holding their end in this deal. In the neighborhood that most of us grew up in, parenting is not going on. (clapping) In the old days, you couldn’t hooky school because every drawn shade was an eye (laughing). And before your mother got off the bus and to the house, she knew exactly where you had gone, who had gone into the house, and where you got on whatever you had one and where you got it from. Parents don’t know that today.

I’m talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit. Where were you when he was two? (clapping) Where were you when he was twelve? (clapping) Where were you when he was eighteen, and how come you don’t know he had a pistol? (clapping) And where is his father, and why don’t you know where he is? And why doesn’t the father show up to talk to this boy?

The church is only open on Sunday. And you can’t keep asking Jesus to ask doing things for you (clapping). You can’t keep asking that God will find a way. God is tired of you (clapping and laughing). God was there when they won all those cases. 50 in a row. That’s where God was because these people were doing something. And God said, “I’m going to find a way.” I wasn’t there when God said it… I’m making this up (laughter). But it sounds like what God would do (laughter).

We cannot blame white people. White people (clapping) .. white people don’t live over there. They close up the shop early. The Korean ones still don’t know us as well…they stay open 24 hours (laughter).

I’m looking and I see a man named Kenneth Clark. He and his wife Mamie…Kenneth’s still alive. I have to apologize to him for these people because Kenneth said it straight. He said you have to strengthen yourselves…and we’ve got to have that black doll. And everybody said it. Julian Bond said it. Dick Gregory said it. All these lawyers said it. And you wouldn’t know that anybody had done a damned thing.

50 percent drop out rate, I’m telling you, and people in jail, and women having children by five, six different men. Under what excuse, I want somebody to love me, and as soon as you have it, you forget to parent. Grandmother, mother, and great grandmother in the same room, raising children, and the child knows nothing about love or respect of any one of the three of them (clapping). All this child knows is “gimme, gimme, gimme.” These people want to buy the friendship of a child….and the child couldn’t care less. Those of us sitting out here who have gone on to some college or whatever we’ve done, we still fear our parents (clapping and laughter). And these people are not parenting. They’re buying things for the kid. $500 sneakers, for what? They won’t buy or spend $250 on Hooked on Phonics. (clapping)

A\Kenneth Clark, somewhere in his home in upstate New York…just looking ahead. Thank God, he doesn’t know what’s going on, thank God. But these people, the ones up here in the balcony fought so hard. Looking at the incarcerated, these are not political criminals. These are people going around stealing Coca Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake! Then we all run out and are outraged, “The cops shouldn’t have shot him” What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand? (laughter and clapping). I wanted a piece of pound cake just as bad as anybody else (laughter) And I looked at it and I had no money. And something called parenting said if get caught with it you’re going to embarrass your mother. Not you’re going to get your butt kicked. No. You’re going to embarrass your mother. You’re going to embarrass your family.

If knock that girl up, you’re going to have to run away because it’s going to be too embarrassing for your family. In the old days, a girl getting pregnant had to go down South, and then her mother would go down to get her. But the mother had the baby. I said the mother had the baby. The girl didn’t have a baby. The mother had the baby in two weeks. (laughter) We are not parenting. Ladies and gentlemen, listen to these people, they are showing you what’s wrong. People putting their clothes on backwards. –isn’t that a sign of something going on wrong? (laughter)

Are you not paying attention, people with their hat on backwards, pants down around the crack. Isn’t that a sign of something, or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants up (laughter and clapping ). Isn’t it a sign of something when she’s got her dress all the way up to the crack…and got all kinds of needles and things going through her body. What part of Africa did this come from? (laughter). We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans, they don’t know a damned thing about Africa. With names like Shaniqua, Shaligua, Mohammed and all that crap and all of them are in jail. (When we give these kinds names to our children, we give them the strength and inspiration in the meaning of those names. What’s the point of giving them strong names if there is not parenting and values backing it up).

Brown Versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem. We’ve got to take the neighborhood back (clapping). We’ve got to go in there. Just forget telling your child to go to the Peace Corps. It’s right around the corner. (laughter) It’s standing on the corner. It can’t speak English. It doesn’t want to speak English. I can’t even talk the way these people talk. “Why you ain’t where you is go, ra,” I don’t know who these people are. And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk (laughter). Then I heard the father talk. This is all in the house. You used to talk a certain way on the corner and you got into the house and switched to English. Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can’t land a plane with “why you ain’t…” You can’t be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. There is no Bible that has that kind of language. Where did these people get the idea that they’re moving ahead on this. Well, they know they’re not, they’re just hanging out in the same place, five or six generations sitting in the projects when you’re just supposed to stay there long enough to get a job and move out.

Now look, I’m telling you. It’s not what they’re doing to us. It’s what we’re not doing. 50 percent drop out. Look, we’re raising our own ingrown immigrants. These people are fighting hard to be ignorant. There’s no English being spoken, and they’re walking and they’re angry. Oh God, they’re angry and they have pistols and they shoot and they do stupid things. And after they kill somebody, they don’t have a plan. Just murder somebody. Boom. Over what? A pizza? And then run to the poor cousin’s house. They sit there and the cousin says “what are you doing here?” “I just killed somebody, man.” “What?” “I just killed somebody, I’ve got to stay here.” “No, you don’t.” “Well, give me some money, I’ll go…” “Where are you going?” “North Carolina.” Everybody wanted to go to North Carolina. But the police know where you’re going because your cousin has a record.

Five or six different children, same woman, eight, ten different husbands or whatever, pretty soon you’re going to have to have DNA cards so you can tell who you’re making love to. You don’t who this is. It might be your grandmother. (laughter) I’m telling you, they’re young enough. Hey, you have a baby when you’re twelve. Your baby turns thirteen and has a baby, how old are you? Huh? Grandmother. By the time you’re twelve, you could have sex with your grandmother, you keep those numbers coming. I’m just predicting.

I’m saying Brown Vs. Board of Education. We’ve got to hit the streets, ladies and gentlemen. I’m winding up, now , no more applause. I’m saying, look at the Black Muslims. There are Black Muslims standing on the street corners and they say so forth and so on, and we’rere laughing at them because they have bean pies and all that, but you don’t read “Black Muslim gunned down while chastising drug dealer.” You don’t read that. They don’t shoot down Black Muslims. You understand me. Muslims tell you to get out of the neighborhood. When you want to clear your neighborhood out, first thing you do is go get the Black Muslims, bean pies and all (laughter). And your neighborhood is then clear. The police can’t do it .

I’m telling you Christians, what’s wrong with you? Why can’t you hit the streets? Why can’t you clean it out yourselves? It’s our time now, ladies and gentlemen. It is our time (clapping). And I’ve got good news for you. It’s not about money. It’s about you doing something ordinarily that we do—get in somebody else’s business. It’s time for you to not accept the language that these people are speaking, which will take them nowhere. What the hell good is Brown V. Board of Education if nobody wants it?

What is it with young girls getting after some girl who wants to still remain a virgin. Who are these sick black people and where did they come from and why haven’t they been parented to shut up? To go up to girls and try to get a club where “you are nobody..,” this is a sickness ladies and gentlemen and we are not paying attention to these children. These are children. They don’t know anything. They don’t have anything. They’re homeless people. All they know how to do is beg. And you give it to them, trying to win their friendship. And what are they good for? And then they stand there in an orange suit and you drop to your knees, “(crying sound) He didn’t do anything, he didn’t do anything.” Yes, he did do it. And you need to have an orange suit on too (laughter, clapping).

So, ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for the award (big laughter) and giving me an opportunity to speak because, I mean, this is the future, and all of these people who lined up and done..they’ve got to be wondering what the hell happened. Brown V. Board of Education, these people who marched and were hit in the face with rocks and punched in the face to get an education and we got these knuckleheads walking around who don’t want to learn English (clapping) I know that you all know it. I just want to get you as angry that you ought to be. When you walk around the neighborhood and you see this stuff, that stuff’s not funny. These people are not funny anymore. And that ‘s not brother. And that’s not my sister. They’re faking and they’re dragging me way down because the state, the city and all these people have to pick up the tab on them because they don’t want to accept that they have to study to get an education.

We have to begin to build in the neighborhood, have restaurants, have cleaners, have pharmacies, have real estate, have medical buildings instead of trying to rob them all. And so, ladies and gentlemen, please, Dorothy Height, where ever she’s sitting, she didn’t do all that stuff so that she could hear somebody say “I can’t stand algebra, I can’t stand…and “what you is.” It’s horrible.

Basketball players, multimillionaires can’t write a paragraph. Football players, multimillionaires, can’t read. Yes. Multimillionaires. Well, Brown V Board of Education, where are we today? It’s there. They paved the way. What did we do with it. The white man, he’s laughing, got to be laughing. 50 percent drop out, rest of them in prison.

You got to tell me that if there was parenting, help me, if there was parenting, he wouldn’t have picked up the Coca Cola bottle and walked out with it to get shot in the back of the head. He wouldn’t have. Not if he loved his parents. And not if they were parenting! Not if the father would come home. Not if the boy hadn’t dropped the sperm cell inside of the girl and the girl had said, “No, you have to come back here and be the father of this child.” Not ..“I don’t have to.”

Therefore, you have the pile up of these sweet beautiful things born by nature raised by no one. Give them presents. You’re raising pimps. That’s what a pimp is. A pimp will act nasty to you so you have to go out and get them something. And then you bring it back and maybe he or she hugs you. And that’s why pimp is so famous. They’ve got a drink called the “Pimp-something.” You all wonder what that’s about, don’t you? Well, you’re probably going to let Jesus figure it out for you (laughter). Well, I’ve got something to tell you about Jesus. When you go to the church, look at the stained glass things of Jesus. Look at them. Is Jesus smiling? Not in one picture. So, tell your friends. Let’s try to do something. Let’s try to make Jesus smile. Let’s start parenting. Thank you, thank you (clapping, cheers)

 

A “letters to various people” rip-off

My friend wrote a blog that was a few small letters to various people in her life. And then she did it again. I liked the blogs. I liked the idea. I told her I was going to steal the idea. She said that I’d better give her the credit for the idea. So I just did.

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Dear George Burmeister,

Where the hell have you been, man? The last time I saw you, it was in the middle of the night by that Family Video near your house and you were walking your dog. Sorry I didn’t seem that interested in talking to you. I was probably preoccupied. I regret it now, because you and I had good times in high school and I wish we could reminisce. Remember when that guy beat you up in the 2nd floor bathroom, just upstairs from the cafeteria? That sucked. At least you can hold your head high and know that you’re not a tool like he was.

—————–

Dear Guy who tailed me for 2 miles in light traffic on I-90 on Mercer Island and then sped past me and cut me off in the tunnel and gave me the bird,

Sorry. I’m not sure what I did, but it would have to be pretty bad to get that reaction from someone when there’s hardly any traffic and three lanes. How long were you on my tail? For a second I began to think that maybe you were a friend of mine who was messing with me, and for another second I considered doing a break check. I wouldn’t have cared if you ruined my car. It would have been your fault and I’m not too crazy about my Civic, anyway. Too bad there’s nothing thats that recognizable about my car, either. It’s a black 2001 Civic. How many of those do you see on your morning commute? I usually count 5 or 6. But you . . . I don’t remember what kind of car you had, but I remember that New York Giants sticker on the left side of your trunk. Well, I’m going to move on now, but I’m excited about the possibility that I could end up behind you someday.

—————-

Dear Anomalous Co-worker,

You are fascinating. You used to always complain about having no friends, and no social life, and so I invited you to hang out with me and my friends, but instead of getting to know people, you stood back and assumed they were all judging you (which is ironic considering you were the one judging them). Eventually, you started to say that to have friends was a bad thing all together. Did you catch what you did? You found it too difficult to open yourself up to new people, so you changed your mind on the whole concept. When I made my last effort to include you, you slapped my hand away and insulted me. If you choose to not take me up on my offer, that’s your prerogative. But if that is your choice, please stop complaining to me about how the few friends you do have treat you like dirt, and also stop trying to convince me that all of my friends only wish to someday stab me in the back. Trust me, they’re not. I know them a lot better than you.

—————-

Dear Claudio & Company,

You guys rock. I’m in the middle of a total binge of your albums right now. Did you see me that day back in the early summer of 2002 at the Hi-Pointe in St. Louis? I would have been against the wall to your right. No? That’s okay. It’s been a while.

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Dear Scary Big Guy who thought Visa would send him a credit card bill when I ran his debit card as a credit card when I worked at Kohl’s,

Since you’re not actually in front of me right now, I can let you know that you’re a big idiot. And I knew you were an idiot then. But I doubt myself very easily, and you were very intimidating and your eyes were going bloodshot because you were so angry with me, so can you blame me for keeping my mouth shut? Besides, my manager walked by when you were yelling at me, and I thought she would step in to help. Guess I gambled and lost on that one. She called my register 5 minutes after you left to ask what you were so mad about. Did you ever get that bill from Visa? I’m actually most curious if you’ve figured out by now how debit cards work. It saddens me to think that you probably forgot about our little moment and never stopped to think about how that bill never came.

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Dear older sister,

I like you a lot and I always regret that we couldn’t have been closer than we are. You’re a lot of fun and very cool, but I have one request: if you are going to continue buying me clothes for Christmas, please stop buying them in large. Or at least include the tag or a gift receipt. I’d have to grow a bit to get them to fit me right, and I’m actually working on shrinking.

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Dear friend who gave me this idea,

I figure it only appropriate to address you in this blog since 1) I got the idea from you; and 2) you’ve addressed me in both of yours. I don’t have much to say. Well, one thing I can say is you really need to work on that impulsive thing. I think if you had stuck with your idea for stuff to do on Sunday, you still would have had a good time. Return of the King is a spectacular film, regardless of your incorrect judgment on The Two Towers. That’s right, I’m saying your opinion is incorrect. Again. Also, thanks for laughing at the things I say. Seriously. I like to fee like I’m a funny guy. I’m looking forward to stealing champagne with you, too. I mean pouring it. Pouring champagne with you. Three posts today, too. Or maybe 2.1.

 

Me, neither.

So I watched a little film called Reefer Madness the other night with my friend Tim. It was filmed in 1937/1938 and was originally intended to raise awareness of this new narcotic that threatens to destroy the minds of young men and women: marihuana; however, I’ve learned via Wikipedia, it was bought by a different producer before it was released and re-edited into an exploitation film that was largely forgotten until the 1970’s, when fans of said narcotic found it humorous and it quietly reached a cult status. I never would have described this movie as “exploitive.” Maybe I just don’t know the real meaning of “exploitation film,” because when I hear that phrase, I think of really dirty movies. This movie had nothing of the sort in it. It played like a bad public service announcement that seriously missed the mark. If you believe what this movie says, the use of marihuana (as it is spelled in the film) will lead to or cause:

• Dancing
• Fast music
• Ridiculously good piano playing
• Things to be funny
• “Free Thoughts”
• Uncontrollable, shifty eye movement
• Creepiness
• Rape
• Making out with women who look 40
• Untying of ties
• Unintentional manslaughter
• Intentional manslaughter
• Fast driving
• Loosening up
• Messed-up hair
• Running over old men
• Women not knowing their place
• Angry jurors to cry out for the death penalty

What a great movie. I’m really, truly surprised that it never got the MST3K treatment. It’s extremely easy to do, too, because Tim and I were cracking ourselves up with our on-the-spot amateur comments; imagine what professionals in a writing room could do. Here’s an interesting thing that the movie said, “Marihuana grows wild in all 48 states.” I have not been able to confirm this just yet, but if that’s true . . . what happened? I’m not a reefer fan, of course, but come on! Grew wild? All 48 states? Do you know how many states it grows wild in now? NONE! What kind of war has been exacted these last 70 years? We’ve wiped out a weed! I’m sure millions of home owners would love for us to do the same with dandelions.

One other thing. What’s with the war on pot, anyway? Granted, I don’t use it. I don’t have any close friends, which I know of, that use it, either. But I’ve pretty much been in the understanding for many years now that it’s an extremely tame drug. Not healthy, to be sure, but not much worse than cigarettes and not as bad as alcohol. It tends to make people lazy and dumb, from what I’ve heard, so I guess that’s a bad thing in our education-obsessed culture. But all the hippie-conspiracy theorists have said the real reason is that it’s so easy to grow, and the whole plant can be used for so many things, that the government hasn’t been able to successfully tax it, so it’s been banned under the reasoning that it’s a dangerous narcotic. I don’t really know, though. And in the end I don’t really care that much, either. I just needed something to write about.

 

Obligatory Valentine’s Day Post

Having been single for 26 of my 27 Valentines days, and being old enough to care for at least the last 15, I easily fall into the masses of single people who gripe and moan about, “Oh, I hate Valentines Day! Oh, woa is me! Oh, I’m still single! Oh, I ‘hate’ people in relationships!” I was actually performing this routine with a coworker the other night, and I finally allowed myself to verbalize a fact: I don’t care. I don’t think I have for several years now. It’s not that I don’t care about being single, or ever being in a relationship. No sir. But I’ve grown numb to the depressing effects of Valentines Day, and I think that’s a result of noticing the Hallmarkyness of it. Or maybe I’m just so worn out from griping about singleness all the other days of the year, it doesn’t feel any different. When I do get to a place in my life where I’m coupled on February 14, I really hope she’s cool enough to know why I don’t want to waste any time or money on it. Honestly, if you’re in a relationship, do you really try to get dinner reservations somewhere on V-day? I know I wouldn’t.

Happy V.D.

 

Humbert will be proud.

I’m in the market for a new guitar amp. The one I have now was bought in early 2001, and Fender discontinued the model shortly thereafter. Actually, I think they discontinued it within a week after my purchase. I don’t blame them; it’s a piece of crap. It’s so obscure now that you can’t even find anything about it online. I originally paid for the Fender Rock-Pro 1000 100 watt head unit and 412 speaker cabinet, but it took Musician’s Friend a month to realize that they’d stuffed my order in a corner in their warehouse and hadn’t yet shipped it to me. By the time I got it, I was so frustrated with their customer (non)service that I figured I wasn’t going to let them know that they actually sent me the 412 cabinet plus a 100 watt, 112 combo amp, which was $150 more than the lone head unit for which I paid, which gave me 5 speakers instead of 4, which was completely pointless because I’ve never needed that much sound, which didn’t matter in the slightest to me. I’ve heard in the days since that event that I actually could have demanded the head unit, too, since that’s what I ordered, and not sent back the 112 combo since it was their error. I’m not sure if that’s true, though.

Let me clear up some amplifier terminology real quick. A cabinet is a passively electronic case of speakers, a head is just the power supply, input jacks, and sound control, a combo is the head unit and speakers combined into the same casing. The 3-digit number refers to the number and size of speakers: 412 means four 12″ speakers, 210 means two 10″ speakers, 115 means one 15″ speaker, etc. Moving on . . .

I gave the 412 cabinet to my friend Seth right before I moved to Seattle, but I still have the 112 combo. I’ve been wanting to upgrade to a better quality amp for a while. I want something that’s going to be a reasonable size, but also packs the reasonable punch. I’ve considered another 112 combo, just one of a better make than my current one. But it’s actually not that easy to find 112’s, which I find odd. Well, I should clarify: to limit myself to a 112 combo amp considerably limits my options as not every model of amp has a 112 version. I think the best choice for me will be a 212 combo. Lots of sound, not too huge, but still big enough to be impressive. When in Carbondale I played my roommate John’s Mesa-Boogie Nomad II 212 a lot, and that thing would bring a tear to your eyes as it would bring blood out of your ears. I’ve considered one of those, but I’ve also considered going more classic, like a Fender tube amp. The Mesa-Boogie is a tube amp, too, and I only intend to buy a tube amp, but the Fenders look more vintage, where Mesas look more . . . typical. I’m going to be using that tax rebate money (which will hopefully actually be sent out, which will be in May) to buy it, along with the little money I’ve saved, along with any birthday money I get from, say, parents and grandparents. I’ll start seriously looking in May but won’t make a decision until at least mid-July. This puts my price range at about $800. If I’m thoroughly impressed by one in the $1000-$1500 range, like a Mesa-Boogie, I’m willing to go into a little debt for it. I intend for this to be the last amp I have to buy in order to have an amp. I clarify that because I may someday buy other amps, but this next purchase will be the amp that I’ll stick with my whole life. This is a big purchase for me. And since it’s a big purchase, and since I intend on keeping it forever, I’ve looked into at least one other brand that is a tiny bit outside of even the $1000-$1500 range: Orange. Orange amps are used by all kinds of punk, indie, and emo rockers. I first remember seeing them at shows in the late 90’s, and they catch the eye with their stand-out color and vintage look. Now, I’m not so lame that I’ll just go buy an amp based on only seeing musicians I like using them, but if so many of these guys have had them, they’re worth looking into. The only thing is, an Orange 212 combo is $2100. But if this is the final serious amp purchase, it might be worth it. It could be worth having that debt for a while longer, knowing that I’ll be able to pay it off, and knowing that I’ll have it 20 and 30 years from now. My future teenage son can bring his friends over to the house when I’m not home, and he can show them “dad’s room” and they’ll see my 20-25 year-old Orange 212 sitting next to my Gibson ES-335, Les Paul Studio, Ibanez JS-1600, and Fender Thinline Tele (hey, as long as I’m dreaming I’m going all out), and they’ll be all impressed, and the next day at school they’ll tell their other friends how cool Humbert’s dad is. So really, this purchase is not just about me having a better amp, but about Humbert Eugene’s social life.

One last note: I found this while searching for image links: http://alexplorer.net/guitar/text/guitar/wars.html

 

Stick a fork in me.

My last blog was about what was going on in my life eight years ago. Where I’m at now is very different than where I was, and I couldn’t have begun to guess that I’d end up where I’m at. And I couldn’t be happier about it. I’ve spent many a quiet drive or monotonous task thinking through events in my life that seemed insignificant in their time but have indirectly led me to where I am now. I usually have a couple that I like to cite, one being my Geo Storm breaking down in late December 2001. Another is indirectly putting the responsibility on my parents, buying me that TV for Christmas in 1999. I’ve also taken it farther back, such as getting impatient and just guessing through the last 10 questions on my math placement test for Lincoln Land Community College. Or even farther back, like at the beginning of my senior year of high school when I put a screen-printed MxPx patch on my bookbag. I even just wrote this entire blog about how me taking Jennifer Burke to her Junior Prom in the spring of 2000 was the biggest factor, but I deleted it. Turns out it wasn’t. Then I decided it was all these events. I wrote a timeline, spelling out how each event led to the next, but that got too long and was a bit too self-indulgent, even for me. Besides, by the time I reached January 2003 I realized something. The ultimate forked road in my life happened almost exactly 5 years ago, on January 26, 2003, when I was sitting in my 1995 Mazada Lemon in the parking lot of the Vine(yard). I was deciding to go inside the building to the Super Bowl Party, or to start the car and go to my cousin’s party instead, on the other side of town. I knew that the one I chose was going to determine the direction of the rest of my life. I didn’t know how different my life would be, but I knew it was important.

I guess this means that when my friends point out at each Super Bowl that it’s my “anniversary” (which no one did this year, but it’s perfectly okay; I didn’t remember, either), they speak more truth than they realize.

Oh, and by the way, the Buccaneers beat the Raiders in that game, 48-21. Ouch.