I hope you know what you're doing . . .

This morning I was visiting with my friend Luke Gray.  True to form, Mr. Gray plays a plethora (defined correctly but intended facetiously) of songs by a mass of indie artists throughout our many conversation topics.  Eventually he puts on the newest album by some guy named David Bazan (whose name I totally recognized . . . a little), and proceeded to talk about this guy’s collapse of faith.  And by “faith” I do mean of the Christian type.  Luke addressed this guy interchangeably with Pedro the Lion (who I DO know), so I was finally able to put together that Bazan is the guy who was to Pedro what Chris Carrabba is to Dashboard.  More or less.

I have heard a lot of Pedro over the years, and while I honestly have never cared too much for his music (to be fair, I never sat down to give it much of a chance, either), I was always impressed with his lyrics; they’re poetry without a doubt.  Another aspect I did enjoy about Pedro was the fact that he was a Christian and sang about the deeper aspects of faith, and carried an honesty with him as he pursued Jesus in his day-to-day life.  But for all that I liked about his transparency in his songs, something always worried me about him.  I’ve had a similar feeling of unsettled-ness with others before, and I think it comes from seeing someone who is clearly talented and intelligent and I fear that something, at some point, will convince them to try to make it on their own abilities.  Well . . . that’s not exactly it.  It’s kind of hard to put that “fear” into words, really, but maybe you know what I’m talking about.

It seems that whatever those  fears were, they were justified, as Bazan has declared himself agnostic, and leaves little to doubt that fact in the lyrics of his latest album, Curse Your Branches.  While it certainly saddens me to see a person of a once-strong faith renounce all they had held dear, it frustrates me that I so easily see the flaws in logic that Bazan is now holding as his new truth.  Every issue that Bazan addresses in the lyrics (from what I heard and Luke discussed with me) are a problem of a person trying to make sense of God.  That is the starting point of so many arguments against what Christianity teaches–using human logic and human values to assess the decisions that God makes.  What really gets to me the most is that many people with this approach think that they’re opening new ground and asking the though questions, when in reality they’re usually just taking western, 21st century values and using that to judge what, as a Christian believes, God has said or done.  I see it all the time.  It’s very prevalent in the Seattle area, where I live, and it’s worth noting that this is where Bazan lives, too.

The best example of this from what I heard is the last lines from the album-ender, “In Stitches.”

When Job asked you the question/you responded, “Who are you/to challenge your creator?”/Well, if that one part is true/it makes you sound defensive/like you had not thought it through/enough to have an answer/like you might have bit off /more than you could chew

That’s fair enough, right?  Job was a really good guy, from what we’re told, and he suffered immensely.  When he finally got the stones to demand a reason from God, The Almighty put him in his place.  By today’s standards, Job deserves an answer, but for some reason God thinks he doesn’t need to justify himself to him.  What a prick.

Now, if I challenged my old boss on something seemingly unfair and he responded with, “Who are you to challenge the president of this company?,” then, yes, that would seem as if he wasn’t prepared to be questioned and played the “I’m more important than you” card to get out of it.  However, this is not one human being talking to another human being.  This is the being whose existence means we exist, the one to whom the question “is he real?” is laughable because he defines reality, and he is talking to something HE MADE.  Furthermore, not only is this thing with which he is speaking something he made, but it is something that is evil (yes, EVIL–despite Job’s righteousness, he was not without sin, and no amount of being good justifies you before God), and the very fact that there is any conversation at all is a demonstration of love and grace. Luke’s approach was a little less heady but possibly more profound:  it’s like a child speaking with its parent.  The child, as long as it is a child, will never understand its parents’ decisions regarding them.

Other places in this album, Bazan demands the option to say, “I don’t know.”  I find it curious that he could not do that with coming to terms with not understanding some things God does.

Many more things about Bazan came up in my conversation, many of them from the album to which we were listening, and many more from articles and the like which Luke recalled.  All of them broke my heart.  But I cannot walk away from a blog like this and only lament over how sad it is to see someone so talented lose their faith–that would be kind of pointless.  Instead, I think it’s worth taking the time to realize how thankful I am that-

1) I’m in an environment like the one I have; one in which a structure of believers exists around me who are honest with each other about questions and doubts, but always are willing to trust God first, and are there as long as long as I’m willing to go to them and listen to them; and
2) God has given me the ability to have faith and trust him.  When I see something I don’t like, or when something happens that seems unfair, I’m always able to fall back on the idea that he really does know better than I do, and I am able to let him handle it.

In conclusion, I just want to say that I hope that someday God calls him back, and gives him the faith that he seemed to try to obtain on his own for so long.

I have no other ideas so I’ll re-use an old idea that I stole from someone else.
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Dear Old Boss –

I had you by the proverbial balls, but, true to form, you played it calm, padded me with money, and sent me on my way.  I often wonder if you have always been as corrupt as you are now.  I found your Facebook page and you seem to have lots of friends, though I have not been impressed by the quality of friendships people have when it comes to party-and-drink-all-the-time relationships, as yours appear to be.  But then again, what do I know?  My wife made the comment that your attitude towards women is a tell-tale sign of the quality of person you are, and I have to agree.  I was about to say that it seems you treat your wife well, but then I realized that’s just because she’s extremely nice and didn’t throw a fit when you made her work 8-hour days for no pay in the office when she was 7 months pregnant.  The sooner I can forget about you, the better.

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Dear (Former?) Friend –

Yeah, you really have me confused.  Based on all I can see, there is no manic-depressive behavior anywhere else in your life, just when it comes to us.  I would have hoped that you would have been someone to stand in my wedding and someone who I could visit or have visit regularly to often reminisce about the turn of the century days, but you have decided instead to wallow in the hostility you imagine I have.  It’s very sad.

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Dear HR Director of GeoEngineers, Inc. –

I would completely rock that marketing position you’ve had open for more than 3 months.  On one hand, I can’t imagine why it has stayed open for that long, but on the other hand, you DID turn me down without an interview within 48 hours.  Twice.  Well, I hope you find the right person.

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Dear Guy in Some Class I had at SIU –

I don’t think you had actually heard of the band Aloha when I mentioned them, and when I asked you if you knew the song “Warsaw,” I think you were thinking of that weird one on the disk we had to listen to for our Music History class.  It’s not that song.  It’s way better.  I was listening to it as I wrote this letter to you.

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Dear Craig from Screwattack.com –

Did you really knock Bad Religion and then sing the praises of Powerman 5000?  I like your taste in, and commentary on, video games, but my goodness man you have horrible taste in music.

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Dear Former Classmates in Mrs. Boyer’s 2nd period Literature/Comp. Class in the school year 1996/1997 –

I’m really sorry for reading those parts in MacBeth in a really bad British accent.  Even those of you with the tiniest bit of compassion in your hearts could have seen how stupid I felt when I remembered that last night, you’d forgive me in an instant.

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Dear Mrs. Boyer –

Some of the most interesting people we meet in life are those who think they understand the whole world, but it turns out they’re just really full of themselves.  You’re #1 on my list.  Hope you’re doing well!

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Dear anyone who read these –

Sorry they were almost all condescending and mean.  Can I do one more that might be funny?  Thanks.

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Dear Person Who Played Every Pixies Song They Could at Beth’s Last Weekend –

I have a sneaking suspicion you like The Pixies only because you think it will give you indie cred.  Well, turns out that NO ONE who is really honest about the music they like, likes The Pixies so much that they’ll pick 7 of their songs when selecting 10 songs from a jukebox.  I actually would submit that as a litmus test for phonies.  I go to Beth’s like once every 9 months!  I don’t want to spend it listening to “Debaser!”

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Dear anyone who read these –

Yeah, I failed.  But trust me, that had to be said.

I have ten unfinished drafts saved to my blog account that I haven’t touched in at least three weeks, most of them 7 or 8 months or more.  I’m never going to finish all of them, so I’ve decided to summarize the primary thoughts from the ones that are dead-ends in a few quick one-shots and delete them forever.  Finally.

1. Lots of people hold opinions and views on things because they saw someone on TV say it.  I’m guilty of it, too, but at least I can recognize it.  What inspired this observation is from when I watched I Love the 90’s on VH1 years ago, and they brought up the great Mississippi River Flood of ‘93, and they made fun of people for living close to a river.  Man, that made me mad.
2. The mortgage industry is designed to greatly reward moronic narcissists for minimal effort, which encourages their overall lack of education, cognitive abilities, and interpersonal skills.  It is designed this way for the same reason Rent-A-Center exists, just on a much larger scale – intelligent, well-to-do white men with a serious lack of morality have figured out ways to take lots of money from stupid people.
3. I really want to start writing that fantasy story again.
4. There are a lot of things from my childhood that have not aged well.  Among those that have: Quantum Leap, 8-bit Nintendo, and Lik-m-Aid.
5. Now that I’m no longer employed in the mortgage industry, I want to share some important tips with everyone: 1) NEVER let a loan officer make a YSP off of you (and if you’re not sure if there is one on your loan, ask him, ask escrow, ask the lender, and if you find it, demand it be removed or threaten to walk); 2) ALWAYS assume your loan officer’s first goal is to make money; 3) ACTUALLY, don’t even deal with a broker at all, just go to a bank or a credit union.  Brokers squandered their chance and they deserve to be broke.
6. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why so many people are so hostile towards the American Super Mario Bros. 2.  It may not have been the REAL Mario 2, but have you even PLAYED The Lost Levels?  It’s not that fun, it’s so hard that it borders on cruelty, and it looks EXACTLY like the the first Mario Bros.  I, for one, am glad we were given a new, colorful adventure to take Mario, et al, through, and I celebrate the few things from that game that have lasted (shy-guys, high-jumping Luigi, Birdo . . .).
7. I was going to write some more similes, but I can’t think of any and I think I’m the only one who really enjoyed the first ones.

Okay . . . there are three that I left.  What could they be?  Well, my goal is to finish the heck out of them so I don’t have to stress over finishing old, incomplete ideas anymore.

Over a month ago I stumbled across a trailer for an animated movie which would come out in September.  It caught my attention up-front with its original premise, but REALLY sucked me in when “Welcome Home” by Coheed & Cambria started playing.  Check this out:

So now I’ve seen it.  And since I have seen it, I want to discuss it.  Also, I like lists in blogs.  The name of this movie is a number, so that works out perfectly, wouldn’t you say?  So here we are — Nine thoughts that I have relating to or inspired by the movie 9.

1. I think Elijah Wood is awesome.  Seriously.  I think it’d be cool if he and I bumped into each other one day in some yet-unknown circumstance that would require us to get to know each other.  Then we’d be buds and he’d meet all my friends and we’d just hang out and do cool things like I would with any other friends, except this friend is Elijah Wood; but I don’t let that influence me because, you know, he’s just a friend, and I’m cool like that.  I’d get a call someday, “Hey, man, it’s Elijah.  What you up to tonight?”  But that would be awkward because then what if I wanted to have a Lord of the Rings marathon?  I would invite him, no question, but would he come?  And if he did, would he tell us all kinds of cool things about filming the movie, or would it just feel really weird with Frodo sitting there saying nothing at all?  I may never know.
2. I commented that this movie has an impressive cast at one point.  Soon after I realized that by “impressive cast,” I meant that I recognized most of the names.
3. The concept of this movie deserves something WAY bigger than an 80 minute film.  Here is an entire world that was destroyed by technology that is now only inhabited by nine little dolls and a robot.  There is so much room for stuff there!  I get not pursuing a franchise with it (and appreciate that), but a two-film or three-film story arc could have really worked here.  Or, at the very least, a two to a two-and-a-half hour movie.
4. I really hate the way movies sometimes rush through exposition.  For anyone with a brain, the exposition is where the movie really lies!  This is my main beef with Michael Bay movies – somewhere (waaaaaaay down there), there is a story, but he refuses to tell it.  9 did this to a degree (though nowhere near Bay’s offenses).  As I sat in that crappy theater, I was completely sucked in by this neat concept of a story, but it seemed to jump from one big, defining event to the next very quickly.  That bugs me.  That’s how cartoons in the 80’s told stories in 25 minute episodes.  Slow down, please! Anyone who would sit and complain that the movie is taking too long doesn’t deserve to be there!
5. It did have quick-fixes to very big problems. (Spoiler alert).  I can appreciate the ways in which the assassin robots are taken out, but they’re all taken out in sequence like mini-bosses in a video game.  The threats don’t last long enough for us to care about them.  (I’m going to start calling such a story move “a Darth Maul”.)  Also, getting back and forth between the factory and the church started taking about 5 minutes, when the first journey was clearly (at least) a couple hours.  Lastly, the distruction of the factory was too easy.  It worked the way they planned it the first time — granted, the big robot survived, but the point remains that, while the tension was present, it did not hang on nearly long enough.
6. I noticed the song “Welcome Home,” nor any other Coheed & Cambria tune (the whole soundtrack was Danny Elfman), was not in the movie.  One of my friends expressed mild frustration over this fact (quote: “All my problems with that movie would have been forgiven if it had a Coheed & Cambria song in it.”)  But I thought putting that song in the trailer, despite it not ending up in the film, was a very clever marketing move.  Maybe this aspect of it wasn’t on purpose (like maybe they just liked the song), but I like to think it was:  what kind of demographic is going to see a movie set in a post-apocalyptic world following the exploits of hand-sized, sentient burlap dolls, facing an evil machine?  Maybe the same people that listen to a progressive rock band whose albums tell a very complex and original sci-fi story?  Yeah, maybe.
7. I’m glad to see Crispin Glover doing stuff these days (since I’m such a big fan of Back to the Future), but that man seriously creeps me out.  It’s like he takes the stereotype of “weird theater major” to a whole new level.
8. Someone, somewhere, is going to describe this movie as “Toy Story meets The Matrix.”  I think that would (or will) cheapen the creativity here, so I will not be happy when I see that.
9. My final word on this movie is that it was wasted.  All of the potential is there, but it was trimmed too much and finished in a hurry.

I’m sitting in my desk chair at work for one of the last times.  I’m anywhere from 2 1/2 days to 1 day away from being done with this place forever.  As I look around me and get furious over and over again at the broken laws and prevailing lies that make up the two companies in this single office, and also grasp the reality that these guys WILL fight my unemployment claim and that there are some tough financial times ahead, it’s easy to feel helpless. 

Honestly, it’s very easily my faith that is getting me through this.  All of the pressure in my chest goes away when I remember that God is real and that his love for me is something that I really can’t fathom.  I don’t want to trail off on to some mutated prosperity gospel, but remembering that he called me to the Northwest, that he brought my wife to me, that he provided the things I have like my car, my apartment, etc., and that he gave me my passions for writing and music and family and everything else (however small they may seem in the big picture), gives me the reassurance that he is behind me in this decision to jump without a net.  Whether I have a job by the end of next week, working smack-dab in the middle of downtown like I want, or whether it takes me six months to find new work (pray it doesn’t, though), Jesus will have me where he wants me.  I’ve learned too many times how not listening doesn’t get me anywhere good (it’s arguable that not listening landed me this job, as a matter of fact), so I’ve jumped off this cliff and I’ll jump off any more he tells me to.  He is my single hope in all of this, and what a wonderful thing that I get to experience this to be reminded that he is my single hope in anything and everything.

I was going to write up a whole blog on how I have said time and time again that a “sugar high” or a “sugar rush” is not at all true – meaning that you, nor anyone else, anywhere, ever, have gotten a surge of energy from eating an excess of sugar.  No, not even kids.  (This does not account for caffiene). I was going to search and search and search and provide references out the proverbial butt to support my case so that all you nay-sayers can see what I have on MY side so you know what  you need in order to prove YOUR side, and thus effectively knowing that what I know is RIGHT.  I was going to do that, but the first place I looked turned out to be all I needed.  It’s The Straight Dope article from February 15, 2008, where this reality was first introduced to me.  In it, Cecil Adams (self-dubbed as “The world’s smartest human”) cites many studies that have been done over the last 30-40 years which have all effectively failed to prove that sugar has any effect on people even closely resembling what is commonly believed.  In fact, what HAS been observed is that parents’ behavior around children, when the children have been given sugar and the parents know it, is what changes.  If you still refuse to believe me after reading this article, then there’s no hope for you.

So in your FACES! I love you all.